There is an envelope on my shelf addressed to Hank Boz.
If the name means nothing to you, his work will. He spent years working closely with Bill Benson, and between them they were on television for most of my childhood. Long before I knew what a puppeteer was, Hank was one of the people entertaining me from the other side of the screen.
Karl Wobbleby worked with him, and when I asked what he was like, Karl said he was a nice person. In this industry, that's not a small thing to hear. It's rarer than talent.
Inside the envelope is a letter introducing myself, and a photo of one of my puppets. I wrote it properly. Not a quick email, not a comment under a video. Pen, paper, and more sincerity than I'd usually let anyone see.
There was a reason it was him and not anyone else. Hank's parents worked with marionettes. That's how he first came to puppets, through strings, before anyone handed him a hand-and-rod puppet and a television camera. Marionettes are where I live. I thought, of all the people who might understand what I'm trying to do, it would be someone who started there.
I know people go mad for him. He gets fan mail by the sackful, I'd imagine, and most of it wants something: an autograph, a photo, a moment. I told myself mine would be different. Not a fan letter. A letter from someone doing the work, to someone who'd recognise it.
I wasn't after a meeting or a job or a quote for a poster. Just an acknowledgement. A nod. Someone who knows exactly what it takes looking at a photo of a puppet and thinking, yes, I see what you're doing.
Then I sealed it. And put it on the shelf. And there it has stayed.
It isn't that I don't know how to post a letter. It's that sending it turns it into something else. On the shelf, it's a declaration. In the post, it's a request.
There's also the honest bit. As long as it stays sealed, he hasn't ignored it.
Maybe I'll send it one day. But he's old. Very old. I don't know how long he's got left, and every month the envelope sits there, the question gets louder. Am I missing the boat?
Until then, it stays on the shelf. Not unsent. Just not sent yet.