Karl invited me to his 50th in a beer garden in Greenwich. It was a Summer day, Warm. Everyone in decent spirits, the kind you only get from daylight drinking and low expectations.
I met his dad. His dad’s friend. Various other background characters.
Then there was this guy. Mid-forties maybe. Looked like a cartoon — not in a funny way, more like he’d been drawn by someone with a mild grudge against humans. He’d come with his dad, who must’ve been in his seventies.
They were both into Punch and Judy. Seriously into it.
The dad used to be in the Magic Circle. Turned out he had an OBE. Which felt excessive, considering the context.
I was talking to the dad and he was just firing out one-liners and anecdotes like he’d been saving them up for decades, waiting for the right stranger.
Nice people. A bit odd. But nice.
Monty turned up and started telling his usual stories — the ones nobody cared about anymore because everyone had already heard them at least three times.
A few months later we were at the regular pizzeria and I just blurted it out:
“How much would you charge for the gay marionette puppet?”
He paused. Held his glass of red wine like he was in a low-budget European film.
“Ten to fifteen thousand.”
I kept a straight face. Finished the conversation. Paid for my pizza like a normal person who definitely wasn’t just quoted the price of a small car for a puppet.
Next morning I put out the feelers. I messaged Will — the guy who built my first character. Asked if he’d be interested.
He came back with £800.
Don’t get me wrong — it’s still a lot of money. But for a piece of art, for something real, it felt… fair. Half up front, half on completion. I wired it immediately. Character design done.
Left it a few days, then rang Karl. Told him honestly that his quote was completely out of my range and I’d gone with someone else.
He went mental. Said he’d do it for free. Which somehow made it worse.
The next day Will emailed:
“I’m really sorry, but I can’t work on it anymore.”
The money landed straight back in my account like a boomerang.
I was genuinely heartbroken.
Will's work was incredible. Affordable. Proper mates’ rates.
And just like that, the puppet vanished before it even existed.